|
|
THE WRESTLING MENU #272
Welcome one and all to the 272nd edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it
comes to discussing all things wrestling.
I haven’t had time to scratch myself of late and only just managed to get this column up in time for my return to Wednesday
mornings, so there is not much time for chatter today and it’s immediately on with the show…..
APPETIZERS - Feedback
If you have yet to read my previous column which was posted on June-6, you may still do so by clicking on the following link:
http://www.lordsofpain.net/news/2008/articles/1212735752.php
In retrospect, I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised with the amount of feedback that I received for that last column
of mine. But alas, I indeed was as the emails piled in by the bucket-load. Funnily enough, the topic I went out of my way
to specifically ask for feedback on was the one in which I received the least amount for. That being the topic in regards
to wrestlers going absent without explanation. I specifically mentioned the Jeff Hardy example here and was curious if any
parents had to answer to inquisitive children who wanted to know where their favorite multi-colored wrestler was.
Well, I got a fair bit of general feedback on the subject which was mostly agreeing with my conclusion that wrestling promotions
should explain such absences on-air, even if the reasons given are not true in real life. But I also got about 5 or 6 specific
pieces of feedback from parents, which was what I was after. A little surprisingly, the answer to my question was split more
down the middle than I thought it would be, with half the responses using the situation to be honest and talk about substance
abuse with their children, while the other half came up with some other reason so as not to bring down their children’s
hero.
I don’t think there is a correct or incorrect response for the above predicament. A number of factors come into play
here such as the age & character of the child. One day when I am a parent, I will maybe be able to answer my own question.
But hopefully by then, WWE will begin explaining the absences of wrestlers in one way or another, which I suppose was the
main point of the topic.
Moving on to my ‘One Night Stand’ review, I was very surprised to see my review get such mixed feedback. It appears
that the all-gimmicked event may very much have drawn a line in the sand with regards to fans & non-fans. Some readers felt
my ratings were about right or even too kind, while others (I would say the majority actually) thought I was way too harsh
on the show as a whole.
The amazing thing is that the match rating which drew the most negative response was my failing of the Women’s “I
Quit” match between Beth Phoenix & Melina. I am so accustomed to getting readers questioning me as to how I could pass
a boring women’s match that I was a little shocked when the exact opposite occurred here. Personally, I am happy that
many WWE viewers liked the bout, but I still stand by my rating for the reasons I gave in my last column.
Finally, in a topic that alternately took some people by surprise, I basically named Vickie Guerrero as WWE’s #1 heel
at present due to the weekly volume (both amount & noise) of the heel heat she gains from the live crowd in attendance. I
had the whole kit & caboodle with regards to opinions on this from “You’re crazy Davey” to “Initially
I thought you were crazy but when I thought about it you are right”.
The more amazing fact that came about through feedback was the amount of reasons given for why Vickie generates so much heel
heat. Dare I say it, but the reasons are so wide & expansive that Vickie is almost breaking new ground. I know that comment
sounds even more over-the top, but if you were to read through all my feedback you would know what I mean.
Whether it be for being involved against arguably WWE’s #1 face (The Undertaker), being involved with arguably WWE’s
#1 heel (Edge), her ordinary microphone skills, the reason as to why she has a job with WWE, etc, etc, etc… Trust me,
I could make a list and it almost runs into double figures! So no matter what you think of Vickie as a person or character,
WWE have indeed almost hit accidental gold here and by the look of her role each & every Friday on SmackDown, it is clear
they realize it and are going to milk it for all that it’s worth while they can.
WWE DRAFT PREDICTIONS
The draft is fast approaching for WWE and it may have more significance this year than any other due to the current low television
ratings that the company is experiencing. Will this mean that big names will be on the move…??? It’s definitely
possible, but I’ve given up on thinking that Triple H & Shawn Michaels will move to SmackDown and Rey Mysterio will
move to Raw!
WWE are doing an excellent job so far of keeping the movements between brands quiet, although a cynic would suggest it is
because they are yet to know who will be moving themselves! Another factor which is most likely still being decided on is
how many movements there will be. In the draft proper last year, the 2 larger brands gained 4 new wrestlers each, while ECW
gained 2. But it must be noted that 6 more wrestlers went to Raw and SmackDown each in the Supplemental Draft, while ECW gained
a further 3.
For the sake of this column, I am going to find some sort of middle ground and grant Raw & SmackDown 8 new wrestlers each,
while ECW will gain 5. I actually think this is about the correct amount of movements to be honest as it is not over the top,
while still meaning that all 3 brands will significantly change afterwards. As for whether all draft moves occur on the night
or in 2 separate drafts, I would actually prefer only singles wrestlers to move on the 3 hour Raw episode, then females can
switch brands on ECW, while SmackDown can be the turn of the tag-teams. I know that lessens the randomness aspect of the draft,
but it would balance out nicely if that was to occur.
ENTREE – ECW Drafts…
CHUCK PALUMBO: While I am certain there are many readers thinking this is a nothing move, I am not so certain. Those of you
who have been watching SmackDown over the past month or so will know that Palumbo is bringing a much rougher & tougher style
to the ring of late and it has arguably made him look significantly better wrestling-wise. His heel character has been decent
of late and a rather prominent stint on the ECW roster could allow WWE to work out whether or not he has any upper midcard
potential in the future a’la other late bloomers such as JBL.
LANCE CADE: For pretty much similar reasons as to Palumbo, Cade is now a singles heel wrestler reportedly about to be pushed
to some extent. He will obviously be looking to make a name for himself while showing what he has got in the ring and on the
microphone. ECW is the best place for that to occur in my opinion and Cade could in fact be fighting with Palumbo for the
higher heel spot on the card. Nothing wrong with a bit of friendly competition to be used as motivation!
DEUCE & DOMINO: My tag-team of 2007 appears to be stalling when it comes to moving up the card on SmackDown. They could be
refreshed on the ECW brand and I could actually see a face turn playing part in that new lease of life. Morrison & The Miz
against these 2 would make a pretty handy feud for mine. I think these 2 have too much potential to just let fall by the wayside
as other teams have over the past 2-3 years. Further down the track, they could be split and give a singles career a go.
CHERRY: Her time in the ring has not really impressed me of late and she may be more worthwhile away from either of WWE’s
2 Women’s Title’s on ECW. She will still have Layla El to feud against on occasions and I wouldn’t think
some sort of reuniting with Deuce & Domino on another brand would not necessarily hurt her advancement in WWE.
MAIN – Raw Drafts…
CHAVO GUERRERO: I do not know whether I am for this move or against it. I think Chavo has been terribly overused of late and
simply don’t believe he has what it takes to become anything more than a solid midcarder. One part of me wants him to
stay away from either of WWE’s big 2 brands, but the other part of me believes he will be fairly quickly banished on
any brand that isn’t ECW. Rumors have suggested he may be in line for a brand switch and some kind of initial push.
I’m personally hoping it will be on Raw as I doubt HHH, HBK, Cena, Orton, etc… would allow him to get anywhere
near the WWE Championship there.
BAM NEELY: It is simply too early for this rookie who has hardly wrestled on WWE programming to be split from Chavo as his
bodyguard. He therefore moves with Chavo by default.
BATISTA: I am hesitant to make this move since Batista was on Raw not long that ago and has already feuded with many superstars
who are currently there. But there are still some fresh feuds left when you think about it as after his feud with HBK ends,
Jericho, Cena & Orton match-ups can still be explored. And you can’t help but get the feeling that WWE are going to
try everything to get Raw’s ratings back up and The Animal could just be the man to assist in doing so.
FINLAY: Finlay has been on SmackDown since his return to the ring a few years back, so a change is very much overdue for the
Irishman. His solid in-ring skills will actually suit Raw to some extent as there is no great fear of needing to do re-shoots,
while his current face character has been leaning more and more to comedy spots of late, which will also suit Raw if the next
move is also made.
HORNSWOGGLE: I would love for WWE to spread out the drafting of Finlay & Hornswoggle on the night so as to tease that the
father & son combination will be broken up. That would make for some great entertainment during the 3 hour show in my opinion.
But medium to long term, these 2 are solid fan favorites at present and could lend a hand in restoring Raw’s ratings
to at least what they were last year.
JESSE & FESTUS: Similarly to Finlay & Hornswoggle, the comedic aspect of Jesse & Festus should work well on Raw and I actually
think that some of the main-eventers would get a kick out of playing off of Festus in a strange kind of way. It has been a
little strange that these 2 are yet to taste tag-team gold on SmackDown, so it may be more appropriate if they were to take
a stab at the weaker division over on Raw.
NATALYA NEIDHART: I have Natalya moving for more than 1 reason. The first one is because I am swapping her with another heel
female that I believe needs to switch brands. The second reason is because I would love for a 2nd generation rookie stable
to form soon & Raw appears to be the place for that. And finally, the move would be a testament to how fast Natalya has established
herself as an in-ring force over on SmackDown. Her wrestling skills seem more than solid already and I think she would be
just fine taking it up to the likes of Mickie James & Melina.
DESSERT – SmackDown Drafts…
KELLY KELLY: While her advancement inside of the squared circle hasn’t exactly been at lightning pace, Kelly has been
steadily improving her wrestling skills and deserves a promotion of sorts. Throwing her into the live atmosphere of Raw may
be too risky a step though so I see a switch to SmackDown being the best for all involved here. Who knows… Come the
end of this year, she could even be a contender for the new Women’s Title on the Friday night brand!
ELIJAH BURKE: Burke has been treading water for approximately 9 months now and Shelton Benjamin’s move to ECW has only
demoted this decent talent. It’s do or die for Burke and a move is badly needed at this stage of his development. He
would simply get lost in the shuffle on the deep Raw roster, so a move to SmackDown would best show WWE whether or not he
is worth persisting with in the future. Given some kind of push and a character adjustment, I am quietly confident Burke can
get the job done.
MIKE KNOX:To be honest, I am unsure how much longer Mike Knox will remain with WWE, so the company may as well get some use
out of him while they can. This would best be achieved by having him switch brands and put over other wrestlers both large
and small.
JEFF HARDY: I think moving Jeff to SmackDown helps everyone. While he was indeed making inroads over on Raw before his suspension,
the depth of the Monday night roster (especially on the face side) is still so large that it suggests that any breakthrough
that Jeff makes will be difficult and ultimately brief. Moving Jeff to Friday nights gives him a much better chance of entrenching
himself as a genuine main-eventer. Meanwhile, some of the potential match-ups look intriguing with Edge, MVP, Rey Mysterio
& his brother Matt all certain to play a large role.
UMAGA: I really hope WWE don’t go for one of those ‘trick the internet fans’ swerve here. There is a reason
why most people expect Umaga to move to SmackDown. That’s because it is a no-brainer. No further explanations are required
here!
CRYME TYME: Finlay, Hornswoggle, Jesse & Festus should all provide enough comic relief on Raw. And with Cryme Tyme really
only treading water on Monday nights (despite the fact that they have only recently returned to television), I see no reason
why a move to SmackDown isn’t worth a shot to refresh them. Maybe they could get involved with Foley in some kind of
way. I dunno, but a breath of fresh air couldn’t hurt.
BETH PHOENIX: This may seem like a strange switch to make, but Beth’s recent inability to regain the Women’s Title
from Mickie James has been a little bewildering. It not only tends to suggest that a move may be in store for her, but it
actually makes it more logical & beneficial. More importantly though, her appearance on the SmackDown roster goes a long way
in giving the alternate title for females greater credibility due to her skill and character.
Ok, I am certain that many people will initially believe that my above moves would not be significant enough to shake up WWE,
but I don’t personally feel the brand switching alone will assist WWE all that much in isolation anyway. It is the booking
which is to follow that is integral. I am certain you will want to share your own draft predictions with me, but if I may
ask a little favor and that’s not to send me your full list. Due to time constraints with yours truly, I would much
prefer if you were to only email me 1 or 2 moves which you feel strongest on. Otherwise, there is simply no way I will be
able to get through all emails within the next week. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com, but if you are an LOP Forums
member, it would be much appreciated if you could leave feedback on my thread at http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=159
Next Wednesday in 'The Wrestling Menu', I will hopefully be back with my predictions for the newly named ‘Night of Champions’
pay-per-view. I have a few ideas on how to fill out the rest of the column, but am yet to make a final decision on which topics
I will write about. Whatever comes your way, my column will be posted at the same Wednesday time on the same WL channel next
week. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.
And remember that DaveyBoy's Album Reviews can be viewed at: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/user_reviews.php?memberid=268913
|
|
[22] - A Series of Unfortunate Events (The Booker T Story)
Welcome back my Fruity Followers! You didn't think I was a one hit wonder did you? Well... reserve that answer until the end
of the column as I can't promise to churn out flawless pieces of literature every time out. I'm SkittleZ and this is the latest
heart pounding rendition of Taste My Rainbow. The only column that pays for advertising on gay porn sites. Life is good for
the time being though I don't expect it to last much longer with my luck. This column marks the debut of Skittlez' Riddles
on the Main Page! Chances are you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Just give it time, people. You will fall in
love with it.... or else. But enough bickering already. I haven't gotten laid in nearly three months and therefore I'm feeling
a little tense so lets get this show on the road.
Last night, I watched Monday Night RAW for the first time since April. It wasn't a bad show by any means. I really enjoyed
the opening segment between Triple H and Cena where The Game pointed out Cena's limited move set and younger fan base. Not
because I despise Cena or anything. I honestly believe that bringing these sore spots to the forefront will help shut up haters
from spewing the same bullshit complaints they fork out every week. Exposing these issues may also bring more sympathizers
to Cena's aid which most definitely strengthens his good guy persona. Speaking of Cena, he put on a solid Street Fight with
Umaga following his and Hunter's promo. Yes.... the Samoan Bulldozer loses another match. What a surprise. Jeff Hardy was
kept relatively strong while Triple H and Y2J put on an entertaining main event bout. The Nature Boy's surprise appearance
was hands down the highlight of the night.
Million Dollar Mania ran pretty smoothly and didn't turn into the disaster that I'd been anticipating. At least we know that
this isn't some silly rigged contest the WWE is using to garner better ratings. Though I'm sure they would never pull a stunt
like that.... *cough Cyber Sunday cough*. I'm not even going to lie... me and my sister registered for the sweepstakes on
WWE.com and waited anxiously on my Dad's couch like a pair of foolish bums. Most websites have reported that the contest has
done little to sway the slumping ratings and I can't help but wonder how long the company can drag this on before the WWE
bank account is tapped dry. The show also reminded us just how colorful the Chairman can be on a live microphone. If I had
to make a prediction right now, my guess would be that next week's three hour RAW will spell the end of this interactive contest.
Ha! Who's laughing now? Two or three months ago, I created a poll in the LOP Forums in which I begged the question should
the WWE carry through with a second generation stable without the cocky and arrogant Teddy Hart. The majority informed me
that my question was out of date and went on to say how I should've spoken up a year ago on the topic. Well you want to watch
the storyline progression between Ted Dibiase Jr and the World Tag Team Champions and tell me the same thing? DH Smith is
likely to get the nod as Dibiase's partner at Night of Champions but I could care less to be honest. Cody Rhode's recent behavior
has me intrigued as a heel turn could be on the horizon. And believe me... I'll support that move all day (as will most individuals).
How Hardcore Holly hasn't been fired yet is beyond me. Ditch this loser, Cody, and go fraternize with the enemies!
Mr. Kennedy's face turn has caught me off guard a tad. I was kind of expecting the WWE to hold off on it until after WrestleMania
25. The thought of an extended HHH/Kennedy program waged over the WWE Championship simply seemed too tempting to ignore. Not
to say it still can't happen down the road. I just pictured it taking place some time this year while The Game was still champion.
Matching him up with Paul Burchill is a good way to test the waters and find out what sort of response Kennedy generates under
the new circumstances. I would label it a success up to this point. The question is where does Kennedy go from here? Will
he struggle to escape the midcard level? Its happened many times before. However, this face turn leads me to believe that
the company is FINALLY ready to push Kennedy into super stardom. The build may take time to play out but it's all about the
payoff in the end. Will Kennedy get over massively as a good guy? Can the WWE count on him to represent them well? Does Kennedy
have significant drawing power? My vote is yes.
To the casual fan, Booker Huffman comes off as a rather successful wrestler. The guy has accumulated upwards of 30 championships
during his professional career (with most of those coming before joining WWE). Booker has enjoyed some good fortune over the
years. Harlem Heat is widely regarded as one of the all time great tag teams. And despite the situation turning sour in WCW's
dying days, he was still able to make the most of it by claiming four World Heavyweight Title reigns before the company officially
went under. The unlikely duo of Booker and Goldust were tremendously entertaining and, at their peak, nearly reached the level
of the Rock N Sock Connection. And no matter what anyone says, Booker worked the "King" gimmick to perfection up until he
was released from his contract.
Feel all the upbeat nostalgia emitting from Booker's legacy? Well brace yourself because we're about to take a drip down Negative
Lane. Although Booker has benefited in some ways from the wrestling business, he's been met with setbacks more often that
not. Through flashes of brilliance, Booker's stint with the WWE has been plagued by lame storylines and questionable booking.
Sadly, Huffman has done nothing to deserve such cruel punishment. He is and has always been a team player; thinking what's
best for the business first and foremost. Perhaps Booker was just an unfortunate casualty of the politic-riddled world known
as the WWE. Whatever the case may be, let us reminisce on a few events Booker wishes he could erase from his tortured mind.
InVasion of the Unemployed: This dud of a storyline came about after the WWE went into panic mode once Benoit and Triple H
both suffered severe injuries in mid-2001. WWE versus WCW and ECW on WWE television? Hmmmm.... I wonder how that one will
unfold. The bulk of the Alliance was regularly thrashed throughout the angle and Booker T sat near the top of that list. He
initially came in with good steam as the reigning World Heavyweight Champion and Shane's right hand man. Unfortunately for
Booker, it was all down hill from there. Not only did Booker drop his title to The Rock at SummerSlam and fail to win it back
at Unforgiven, but he also fell to the Undertaker in a pivotal big time match and his team ultimately lost the war at Survivor
Series. Certainly not a good start to his WWE tenure but things would take a turn for the better..... or maybe not.
Working as the Devil's Henchman: The Alliance might have been deceased but Booker returned within a few short weeks alongside
Vince and Big Bossman. With McMahon's never ending plots to trounce the Texas Rattlesnake, it was inevitable that Booker would
target Stone Cold eventually. The opportunity presented itself at Vengeance when Austin was battling Jericho for the Undisputed
Title and the referee was knocked unconscious. Like the bitch that he is, Booker ran in and clocked Austin with the title
belt. The Rattlesnake had been screwed over for the umpteenth time and all was right in heel land. Who knew an innocent trip
to the grocery store could go so wrong? Screw milk and bread.... Booker was ambushed by Austin and thoroughly dowsed with
various food items. Not a great way to spend your Monday evening.
The Mystique of a Japanese Shampoo Endorsement: It's no secret that the Japanese have some freaky ass fetishes. I just never
knew they were so fascinated with Canadian hair and dreadlocks. Wrestling fans endure shitty storylines on a consistent basis
but this one is up there in terms of sheer stupidity. And showcasing this dud at WrestleMania didn't do Booker and Edge any
favors. Edge's singles run had just taken off and Booker was in a rut during the first few months of 2002. This didn't exactly
help matters. A bad storyline usually leads to a bad match and there was no exception here. Several weeks of international
negotiations resulted in seven minutes of uneventful action. When the babyface is competing in his hometown and the crowd
could give two shits, that should be an indication.
Not Seeing Things in Black and White: Okay, we're going to bring back the Clique and stick them in the Hogan-less nWo. Shawn
Michaels? Check. Kevin Nash? Check. X-Pac? Sucks. Oh... I mean check. Scott Hall? Check. Booker T? Check.... hey wait a minute!
Booker must've been open for storyline ideas and someone on the Creative Team suggested this as a lame joke. Now I realize
that the nWo's return was hampered by injuries but bringing Booker into the stable was the wrong way to go about it. The only
positive aspect worth mentioning is that the WWE soon caught on to the flop and kicked Booker out of the faction immediately
via some Sweet Chin Music. Hard to put the blame entirely on Booker, though. The WWE's attempt to resurrect the nWo turned
out to be a disaster for various reasons and Booker is often brought up in that conversation.
When Push Comes to Shove: Step off black man. You ain't on my level. Triple H obviously didn't learn enough from the Katie
Vick debacle as he pulled out the race card less than five months later. You know those instances you hear about The Game
holding down deserving talent to benefit himself? Well this is one of them. Hot off of some great tag team work with Goldust
and receiving huge pops from the crowd, the WWE had no other choice but to propel Booker T into the World Title picture. Apparently,
it was way too early into Triple H's title reign for him to give up his precious championship; especially to a slouch like
Booker T. Instead of putting over the face in a losing effort, H accused Booker of being a thug with criminal tendencies who
had no shot on Earth of dethroning The Game. Booker T lost CLEANLY and quickly tumbled down the food chain after 'Mania.
Leaving for the Lower Levels: The plan is to trade you and the Dudleys to SmackDown in exchange for the man who butchered
your career about a year ago. In all honesty, not the worst move for Booker T. Things had become stale for him and the upside
was minimal. But when it comes down to it, Booker was still being removed from the flagship program. Now building up Booker
T upon his arrival would have been ideal but WWE had other plans. First things first.... Booker had jobbing duties to attend
to. Undertaker had been on vacation since WrestleMania XX and needed to down a suitable opponent to make up for his absence.
If you haven't figured it out, Booker T was indeed the chosen one. Booker would trade the United States Championship back
and forth with Cena for the next several months but it was a significant setback considering where he once was on RAW.
Time to Clean your Gutters, Slut: Apparently, Kurt Angle likes to dominate in the ring AND in the bedroom. Just ask Sharmell.
Angle basically dry humped her all over a couch backstage in 2005. Another storyline blunder... notice a pattern, anyone?
Hell, give me a spot on the Creative Team. On a bad day I could pull better shit out of my ass than this. I get the part about
suspending your disbelief. The problem I have is when the angle simply becomes unrealistic. One of the brand's top stars is
running around stalking Sharmell backstage in an arena full of wrestlers and agents and I'm suppose to be remotely interested?
No sir... not working for me. Fortunately, these two were able to salvage the program by putting on a pretty solid match.
The bad news is that Booker T took this impressive win and downgraded into a midcard feud with Christian.
Mingling with a Murderer: Am I reaching a bit? Perhaps. This is a feeble attempt to stretch this column out however so cut
me some fucking slack. In retrospect, Booker and Benoit's best of seven series was decent. Booker's injury following match
five ended the potential of the series turning into anything special. Orton was selected to stand in as a replacement and
although Benoit was able to win matches five and six, he dropped the decisive game seven to ultimately crown Booker the undisputed
U.S. Champion. Only for Benoit to regain the championship a few weeks later at No Way Out. Why go through the whole grueling
multi game format to book one guy strongly over the other if you're just going to turn around right afterwards and flip flop
the title? Some 'genius' up in Connecticut needs a good ass kicking for that decision.
Backing Down to the Beastly Boogeyman: Oh, you're gonna honor that contract. We have you booked to job to a Tough Enough reject
with a cheesy gimmick at the Grandaddy at Them All. The Boogeyman was apparently brought in as the second coming of the Undertaker
judging on the massive push he received upon his WWE debut. Forget getting his feet wet... the WWE thought it would be best
for Boogeyman to slaughter the big fish right from the get go. JBL was the first victim... poor guy lost to Boogeyman in less
than four minutes on a major pay per view. Bradshaw was obviously roughing up rookies backstage to deserve this sort of treatment.
Booker T was next on the hit list. After ducking Boogeyman repeatedly for weeks, Booker finally had to face his fears come
WrestleMania and went down in flames after running around the ring like a prepubescent girl at a slumber party. Seriously,
it was that bad. The inconsistency of Booker's career would continue though as he would go on to win the 2006 King of the
Ring. Go figure.
Mess with an Animal and Prepare to Get Bitten: Do you believe in karma? I bet Booker T doesn't whatsoever. Just look at his
scuffle with Batista at the SummerSlam photo shoot back in 2006. So apparently, big Dave was getting a bit full of himself
and let it be known that he was undoubtedly the number one guy on SmackDown. The two exchanged words. Some fists were thrown.
Booker beat his ass for a little while. The two were pulled apart and in the midst of all the chaos, Batista landed a sucker
punch on an unsuspecting Booker T. Alright... wrestlers have big egos. But wouldn't you agree that Batista was mostly responsible
for the ensuing fight? Absolutely! Strangely enough, the little brawl did practically nothing to alter future bookings. Because
three months later, it was big Dave who was walking away with the World Title around his waist. Did Booker mug somebody? I
call foul.
All Hail the Agony of April: 2007 was the Year of the Injury and Booker found that out soon enough. Booker messed up his knee
during a match at the SmackDown tapings and the injury required some minor surgery. He was sidelined for two months and this
really threw out all the momentum King Booker had gathered since taking on the new gimmick eleven months earlier. He had ditched
Regal and Finlay yet remained extremely popular with the fans despite portraying a pesky heel. Although Booker had failed
to obtain the MITB briefcase at WrestleMania, he was definitely still included in the World Title picture on SmackDown. A
promising program with Matt was disbanded and Booker would not return until mid-July when he was traded back to RAW in the
Draft Lottery.
Succumbing to the Game: Jesus... you would think one time was enough. I guess Triple H really takes this career sabotaging
seriously. As soon as Booker was brought back to RAW and it was revealed that Triple H would be returning from a torn quad
in less than two months, you had to know this was coming. Over that time period, King Booker was given significant mic time
and informed anyone who would listen that he was the true 'King of Kings'. Well, I can assure you Mr. Helmsley would have
none of that business going on under his nose. For some reason, it never once crossed my mind that this epic showdown could
turn into a squash. And when it comes to Hunter, I should know better. Booker's credibility was given another fierce slap
in the face at SummerSlam. Not only was it the first time they met face to face during their feud (WWE wanted to save The
Game's return for pay per view to increase buy rates), but Booker was slated to survive all of about seven minutes against
the new-and-improved Triple H. Pure blasphemy.
A Signature Steroid Scandal: Booker T was one of many WWE superstars whose names popped up on a customers list from a pharmaceutical
company in Albany, New York. He would claim on numerous occasions in reports and interviews that he never digested or injected
any type of illegal substances but the damage had been done. Consequently, Booker was suspended for 30-60 days. After stewing
at home for a few weeks, Booker apparently went looking for work elsewhere and called up TNA management. While he was always
seen as a great worker and overall nice guy, I'm sure (whether he was guilty or innocent) Booker took his suspension as a
personal insult and made him question the WWE's loyalty. Whether it was out of anger or even mere curiosity, Booker T signed
with Total Nonstop Wrestling after he was released in October of 2007.
All these factors have definitely cast a dark shadow over Booker's WWE career. Being the optimist that I am however, I've
compiled a list of reasons which I believe led to Booker leaving the company.
We joined forces for a very brief time some odd years ago.
Our group consisted of a monster, a real fighter, a stunt man, an ex-bodyguard and possibly others.
Did we fight for justice or revenge? I'd say both.
I could have sworn we've all fought side by side before.
A good leader never abandons his allies during combat.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Think you know the answer? Give it some thought and guess away. If you answer incorrectly, I'll laugh and poke fun at your
severe lack of intelligence. Get it right however and earn the right to... oh who am I kidding? You'll win nothing and like
it! NO ONE will solve my masterful riddle. I will reveal the answer in my next column.
If you're a fan of the ever popular FACT or FICTION series here on the Main Page, I have some tremendous news. Fellow columnist,
Sheepster, is now in charge and will be orchestrating every column from here on out. From what I've heard, FACT or FICTION
has always been a big hit with wrestling fans. But due to the busy schedule life throws at us, the column has struggled to
make consistent appearances and we have not seen a new edition since last November. I only know this because I took part in
a brand new FACT or FICTION which should be out before the weekend. I had a ton of fun participating in the column and I hope
it turns out okay or I'll be forced to claim identity fraud. Nonetheless, I know Sheeps will do a fantastic job keeping FACT
or FICTION up and running for as long as possible. If not, you know exactly who to blame.
So last night the Los Angeles Lakers avoided elimination albeit narrowly. Its gotten to the point where the Lakers must know
that the Celtics are the superior team. L.A.'s overall defense has been pitiful throughout the series but especially over
the last two games. Did you see that historic Boston comeback in Game Four?!? If you follow sports, there's no way you haven't.
I'm rooting for the Celtics so I loved it of course. And as far as Game Five is concerned, the Lakers simply made fewer mistakes
down the stretch than Boston. Los Angeles jumped out to an early nineteen point lead but allowed the Celtics to catch up by
halftime. Then in the third quarter, Kobe Bryant & Co. stretched it out to a fourteen point lead only to.... yes you guessed
it.... blow their wads early. The Lakers stole Game Five in my opinion and I fully expect it to be their last happy moment
of the season. Boston will take care of business come Game Six and win the franchise's first NBA Title in over twenty years.
Bored as fuck? Check out some of these from the Columns Forum.... but only if you're desperate.
>>> Watch out, folks. JetSetPoker is back at it again. Shuffle Up and Deal, V. 13: Are you Tough Enough?
>>> Uncle Joe's final column ever. Or so he says. Nonetheless, give it a read. The Cheeseburger Column
>>> This foreigner will get a laugh out of you one way or another so go view his latest offering. Inside the Mind 4.5: JBL's
10 Commandments
Alright, I'm calling it a night. My mind is fatigued and I have no more words of wisdom to share with you morons. I'd like
to give a quick shout out to Pnk and congratulate her on the promotion. A female columnist.... (sigh). What is the I.W.C.
coming to? Anyways, I'm still on vacation in Connecticut but should be heading back to Chicago before the Fourth of July.
The travel shouldn't interfere with the posting of my next column however. Give it 10-14 days and I'll be back with some new
shit. But first tell me what you though of this little number here. Was it award winning material or just plain nauseating?
Hit me up at Skittlez601028@aim.com and vent your frustrations in my email inbox. Thanks for stopping by and Tasting My Rainbow.
Beware of mooching family members and I'll catch you next time around. Later homies.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Each month I pick my favorite columnist on another website and ask him to do a one-time appearence here.
For the month of May, the winner was Uncle Joe. You might recognize him from such columns as last November's Column Of The
Month. The two-time COTM winner decided to join his great writing powers with another familiar face, aisce. Together they
bring you this column, which hopefully you all will enjoy. Any comments about the following can be directed to Uncle Joe himself
- mr_uncle_joe@hotmail.com
And please excuse the formatting while I get Uncle Joe an HTML book.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: The coding placement in this column may, or may not, work. We quite frankly, don’t give a fuck. You enjoy, you
enjoy, if you don’t; no skin off my cack. Proceed.
Well I do pop pills, I keep my tube socks filled
Pop the same shit that got Tupac killed
Spit game to these hoes, like a soap opera episode
and punch a bitch in the nose, til her whole face explodes
There's three things I hate: girls, women and bitches
Smack bitches that walk up, and drop-kick midgets
Call me Boogie Night, the stalker that walks awkward
Stick figure, with a dick bigger than Mark Wahlberg
-Eminem and Missy Elliott, “Busa Rhyme”
Man oh man oh MAN it is good to be back. Welcome my children; tis’ everyone’s favorite preggo bashin’, chick
smashin’, money order cashin’, Sonic the Hedgehog dashin’ potato mashin’ Uncle Joe, but I’m
not alone. It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to work with this man, so escus-o the rust-o negro. But
before we get to tonight’s proceedings, I’ve got a question for anyone who so happens to read this, so bare with
me for a little bit. A few weeks ago, I was talking to this one broad. Now said broads name is Vanessa, and she was fairly
funny and all that nonsense. Now prior to me calling her, I just decided to record the conversation with her, with no idea
why, but I’m never one to go against my instincts. So as I’m talking to her, I find out her likes, dislikes, favorite
color, favorite movie and etc. So being the smooth G that I am, I shift the conversation from the NFL over to how many dicks
she’s gobbled down.
At first, she was shy about it, trying to avoid it like acid jizz, but I finally coaxed her into admitting the truth; 14.
After a few awkward moments of me laughing, I then ask her what’s the dirtiest thing she’s ever done and she said
she “fucked her 1st cousin on her parents’ bed”. Not being pleased with the result and possessing an overall
level of disgust with Vanessa, I told her I had to go. Later in the evening, I called her house when her father picked up,
much to my pleasure…no homo. After introducing myself and having a few minutes of casual conversation, I reached over
to grab my phone and played for him the part where she admitted to her whoreness, he thanked me and said he had to “take
care of something”, and we promptly hung up. He may have beat her, he may have punished her, he may have fucked her
for all I know or care. My question to you is; was I wrong?
Anyways, enough BS, it’s about that time. Ladies and Gents, Uncle Joe Productions in collaboration with aisce & co.
INC, present
TMC8: Sonic Youth
Unlike Joe, I've never pranked my first cousin in that manner, nor spoken so frankly with my Uncle. In fact, Joe and I don't
have an awful lot in common really . . . except for a deep and abiding love of Sonic Youth.
Unlike all those earnest white rock bands, fumbling about in a barrel of clichés for some objective correlative for a fifteen-year-old's
conception of existential angst; unlike the potty-mouthed rapper who tries vainly to mask his insecurities with a welter of
bragging and one-upmanship, Sonic Youth are cool. Where others are anxious and ambitious, they are effortless and nonchalant.
Where others wanted to be in a band for fame, money, and a creative outlet, they are in a band because . . . like . . . yeah.
In other words, Sonic Youth take a long slow elevator ride to the top of the tallest building you can imagine and then proceed
to piss on every band you like from the greatest of heights.
So, sitting back in a comfy chair, with 'Teenage Riot' on the stereo, we thought we would provide one last service for the
columns forum and present you with the definitive TMC guide to cool. You can either accept it, or continue to plough the barren
furrow of your nerdery: your choice.
Thank you aisce. You know, as I was sitting around, just kickin’ it with my posse, listenin to some Youth, I was thinking
“Man, thank the god lord I found Sonic Youth.” I mean these guys just epitomize coolness, and I was special in
the fact that I acknowledged just how sweet they were. And then I said to myself “well gosh darnit, there must be other
cool things out there besides Kim and the gang”, so I got to thinking, boy wouldn’t it just be neat-o if I went
to my laptop and wrote down a list of what things are cool and why? Sweet.
And do you know what’s even sweeter? Nothing. So sit back and chill out as The Mega Column brings to you a few Kool
Things.
Kool Thing no.1
Skinny Jeans
I mean these things are fuckin’ bitchin’ kid. I mean, I’ve always wanted to wear spandex as a kid, but it
was too shiny and just wasn’t tight enough. And then with the glory of god’s good graces and the genius mind of
Yves Saint Lauren, these babies were created. These specific ones in the picture above are a thing of beauty; I mean it looks
like the guy wearing them can’t walk. Just behold the tightness of these masterpieces; you can tell what religion this
guy is just by the jeans.
I mean if it isn’t enough, the guy has those fantabulous belt buckle/non watch/wrist band thing that’s all the
rage. That so does NOT look homosexual, nope; not at all. Top it off wit those cowboy boots that just scream “Keith
Urban”, plus that pseudo Brokeback belt buckle, and you’ve got the perfect look for all those nights you spend
listening to Good Charlotte while thinking of how Joel Madden is a truly underrated musician. So while you decide to go on
dates with ‘bedhair’…because you want to look like you just got up from bed apparently, remember that there
people out there less cool than you are, so be wary and thankful.
.
Kool Thing no.2
When it comes to surpassing sartorial elegance, Joe is obviously the arbiter supreme. However, I have managed to discover
an item worthy of being paired with shiny jeans. An item of clothing cooler than the inside of Lee Ranaldo's picnic box. I
am, naturally, referring to muscle t-shirt.
Nothing screams 'totally heterosexual' like wearing a garment which displays one's biceps to the masses, or at least it would
if said garment was actually worn by the muscular. More often than not, these t-shirts are worn by preternaturally skinny
teens whose arms emerge from the sleeves in the same manner that an earthworm might pop its head up from a bomb crater. Alternatively,
the ubiquitously poor stitching which characterizes these shirts may be given a severe test by the pimply, purple-blotched,
pasty fat rolls which are de rigeur amongst fans of the third largest wrestling promotion in the USA.
The fact that any upward movement of the arm treats innocent bystanders to a glimpse of the wearer's armpit, must also be
considered a bonus. I am personally ordering a large supply of these to wear at my own funeral. In emo black, of course.
Kool Thing no.3
Self Tanner
How people have managed to survive without self tanning lotion is something that I will never be able to wrap my head around.
This is one of god’s gift to mankind and if not a gift from the holy one, then it is certainly a top 5 all time human
invention, ahead of sliced bread and the wheel. There are different kinds and assortments of different skin colored for the
inner Hispanic in all of us. Medium tan for light skin; light tan for dark skin; shit if you want a 3 day tan they got that:
long lasting, gradual building tan? They got that too.
Some of you may be thinking that it isn’t a positive message to promote people to want to change their self, but let
me ask you something; if god don’t like ugly, why would he make you that way? Sure you can be happy with who you are,
inside and out, but if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that being happy ain’t cool. There’s a reason
why Bryan Danielson wrestles for 20 bucks a match, while the Rock is an A-List Hollywood actor. Because Danielson sucks.
Kool Thing no.4
Swearing
Everyone knows that nothing is more important in this world than gaining the respect of those whom you encounter (especially
on messageboards). With that in mind, what better way to convince people that you are some kind of intense, hardcore bastard
than by punctuating your every utterance with obscenity? Think of all the positive messages it sends!
My parents can't tell me what to do!
I'm allowed to watch Rated-R movies!
I'm edgy and cool!
I'm fearless and outspoken!
Danger = me!
Serial swearing is, of course, particularly effective when done by females and teenagers, allowing the former to fend off
unwanted male attention by coming across as a vile old harpie, and the latter to appear all grown up.
The only problem with swearing is that it is subject to the law of diminishing returns. Barely anyone save the local preacher
takes umbrage at a stream of 'fuck this fucking thing you fucker' type comments these days. Try not to worry your tiny minds
though: your best friend in this situation is the Urban Dictionary. here you will be able to find all sorts of words that
no normal person actually uses in real life*. You may then pepper your speech and writing with obscure ethnic obscenities
which, in addition to the advantages outlined above, will also make you sound like a colourful character straight out of whatever
sub-culture is trendy these days.
And nothing is cooler than that, right?
*Feel free to lie about this when called on it. It's not as if anyone actually cares.
Bad Moon Rising
With wrestling assured of its place in the pantheon of cool, it is only fitting that those who exercise their literary bent
in its direction are also members of the hipster elite. I am, of course, talking about wrestling columnists. Those who continue
the noble tradition of writing fierce, deeply resonant prose about manly sports. Clearly, the very main-pagers and Columns
Forum habitués, upon whose every word you hang, follow in the noble tradition of none other than this man:
If it was deemed cool for dear old Ernest to write about bullfighting and fishing (in which man has only a dumb animal as
an adversary), how much more sublime it must be to wield a pen in the service of man-to-man combat? Such an action not only
dignifies the sport, but also those columnists who glorify it with their attentions. It can only be a matter of time, surely,
before the Nobel, Pulitzer, and Booker Institutes begin to recognise achievements in the fields of fantasy booking, PPV prediction,
and single wrestler appreciation.
Though they are often mocked for their sedentary and lonely lifestyle, these people give freely of themselves for your enjoyment,
detailing their personal lives, their jobs, their friendships and much much more in the hope of conveying something of the
essence of pretend fighting. The least you can do is to feign interest.
If it were not for the existence of Sonic Youth, these people would carry the very essence of the apogee of cool in their
pockets.
It’s been a while and me and aisce figured you guys have acted as civilized as you can possibly be for internet kids,
so we decided to bring back a treat for you:
TMC’s Picks of the Week.
Unc’s Pick of the Week: Public Vandalism
Yes, that’s right, I’m telling you as your role model, to go out and vandalize and act like a total hooligan and
criminal. I mean, yeah it’s illegal and sure you might get busted if you aren’t careful, but who gives a fuck
as long as you’re having fun? And there are LOADS of options in which you can desecrate the foundation of society; spray
paint on the side of a church, piss on the window of a McDonald’s during mid-day, or my personal favorite; throw water
balloons at passer bys from your window, made even the more effective if you live on a high floor. So go out, shit in Mrs.
Brown’s yard and be somebody.
aisce's acceptable racism of the week: gingers
Make an off-colour remark about any racial group (apart from Mexicans, obviously) and, quite rightly, you will become something
of a social paraiah. However, everybody needs someone to hate and to scapegoat without feeling the oppressive hand of Political
Correctness on one's shoulder, and this is the one and only occasion upon which gingers have a use.
Having neither the courage to be blond nor brunette, yet often sporting a face full of unseemly freckles, these tan-dodging
bastards are scientifically proven to possess a mutant gene which makes it ok to bully and ridicule them as much as possible.
Consider it your duty.
Unc’s other Pick of the Week: Cheesecake
The Zeus of all desert deities, the cheesecake is one of the 5 best inventions to have ever been created. Why am I giving
a shout out to Cheesecake? Because it tastes fucking good nigga, that’s why. There’s just so many styles that
can be made and had; the soft, creamy texture of French style; the solidness yet tenderness of New York Style; the grossness
of Marble. Regardless of any style that you choose to eat (minus the chocolate one) they all just reek of fantasticness. Shit,
you can even top them off with any assortment of fruits that you so desire. So anyway you slice it (ha, see what I did there),
cheesecake fuckin’ rules.
aisce's sexual assault of the week: hot seal on penguin action
No, they are not indulging in 'rough play' . . . save that excuse for the next time your mother catches you 'practising wrestling
moves' on your male friends. This picture is of a 100lb Antarctic fur seal attempting to force his attentions on a 15lb male
Emperor penguin.
So, next time some do-gooding bearded nerd starts protesting about seal-clubbing, perhaps they need to realise that the very
animals they are trying to protect are actually big gay rapists.
Not so cute now, huh?
Farewells
Well ladies and gents, tis another glorious, magnificent and damn near innovative MC in the books. I didn’t think I’d
get the chance to write another one of these masterpieces, but with the stylistic stylings of Sonic Youth and a kinda, sorta
inspired aisce, it was done. To all of those who read this, make no mistake about; Sonic Youth is cooler than anything you
will ever hope to do or be. How can you not love a band with a track with the name "I Killed Christgau With My Big Fucking
Dick"? I mean seriously, these niggas rule. So yeah we out kids.
Deuces.
|
|
|
|
|
Thank You, Noc.
Pnk's Thnks 3:
In Loving Memory....
Ha! If you think YOU'RE in shock, imagine how much shock I'M in....
Your eyes aren't playing tricks on you so save yourself the trip to the doctor's office. I, your humble narrator, was given
her "big push" so to speak. That's right, I am now part of the Main Page roster. Oh the fun times ahead of me. For those not
familiar with the cute pink font, allow myself to introduce... myself. It is I, the cutest of cute, the lady of the hour,
the one who's here to break bones verbally with sticks and stone tactics, Pnk.
No, not PINK, not P!NK, Pnk. Gets it? Gots it? Glad to hear it.
Those still in shock can sit over there. *points* Feel free to catch up and join us when the shock wears off. I feel for you,
really. The rest of you have the pleasure (or non-pleasure, you can decide after giving this a read) of attending a wake for
someone who was near and dear to many of us.
The Eulogy
Thank you so much to everyone who came. This is a day I that had you told me 10 years ago was coming, I wouldn't have believed
you. Now however, I'm shocked I didn't see the signs. It feels like it came too soon though, but I'm sure I'm not the only
one who feels this way. He was a young, strong, talented individual with a booming career to look forward to. He means something
different to everyone, good or bad but....
**Yo Yo Yo Yo, Pop a 40 and check yo rollies, it's Cryme Tyme!**
Shit.... What are you two doing here?
Sup lil mama? Step over here right quick, gatta take care of some business.
What business? You two never knew him.
Right, but we know how to get that money money, yeah yeah and we have an auction to hold.
As you all see, this is THE chair used at Survivor Series during his match with Mankind in 1998. It's authentic as fuck. Lookie
here, this dent, see this dent right here? It's where Mankind gave his ego a bash.
Dude, can yall just do this during the buffet?
What? Ah you're right. Get yo fine ass back to this podium. Sorry for interrupting. Everyone, see us at the buffet table.
Pnk... hit us up on the cell for some fun times. WE OUT!
Right.... Anyway... sorry lost my train of thought. Oh yeah.
Today, I'd like us all to remember the man who's departure came too soon. I never thought I'd see the day when I had to say,
The Rock is dead.
The words themselves chill me to my bones. I think I still held on to hope that The Rock was coming back, that his story had
not yet finished. I was wrong.
Crazy to think that the son of Rocky "Soulman" Johnson and grandson of Peter "High Chief" Maivia didn't have a longer career
than the one he had. There were of course the signs that his heart, though it had much love for the industry, wasn't exactly
all in it. As a young child, The Rock wasn't a wrestler. While he had told stories of imitating wrestling moves and watching
the WWF (What's with the faces? They were the 'F back then.) he never really had wrestling dreams. He had dreams of another
sport.
After playing football throughout high school, The Rock was offered scholarships to play pig skin in college. Eventually the
answer was clear to him and he decided that the University of Miami was the best choice for him. The Rock became a Miami Hurricane.
Now beyond my absolute hate for the Hurricanes (Let's go UCF Knights!), I can see how this opportunity would appeal to him.
He was happy to go there, so were his friends and family as he was going for his football dream.
At this time someone very important in The Rock's life would like to say a few words. Thank you Dennis Erickson. Sir?
Thanks little lady. *smack*
Sir?
So what am I here to do? Oh right.
I coached the U from 1989 to 1994. I brought them two championships, one in 1989, one in 1991. I am glad to accept this award....
I'm sorry to interrupt sir, but this isn't an award ceremony.
It's isn't?
No sir, we asked you to come to say a few kind words for a former player of the Miami Hurricanes when you coached.
which player little girl? I haven't got all day.
Well you go the year right, he played for you starting in 1991, The Rock.
Ah, goofy looking fellow with the eyebrow? He was SHIT.
Sir?
SHIT. Boy couldn't play, got injured and was a bench warmer the rest of the time he spent with us. Why do you think anytime
someone mentions he played college football, they never get into details? It's always "he played for the Miami Hurricanes".
No details to be had. We didn't even recruit him as most people assume. He had to try-out to try and get a spot. He was impressive,
no doubt about it, but we weren't knocking down his door trying to get him to sign on the dotted line.
He was defensive tackle. You know who else was defensive tackle? Warren Sapp. Why would we start him if we had Warren to get
the job done. When The Rock got injured it didn't matter, we had Sapp. As a matter of fact, it's not like he was much help
winning the championship that year either.
If he thought he could get drafted, he was on an acid trip or something. He barely played with the injuries he had. Eventually
he got a three year deal with the wannabe NFL, the CFL. A three year contract with the Calgary Stampeders ended up being more
like 2 months with the team and not a game to his name.
That's great coach but don't you have any nice words to say about his work ethic or teamwork?
Why would I? I have other guys to pay attention to. Can't focus all my attention on a bench warmer. Winners only associate
with winners kid, remember that.
Will do coach, will do. Thanks for um... well the valuable information.
The Rock soon decided that football wasn't going to happen for him unfortunately so he decided to move on to a sport he knew
he could make it in, wrestling. When he was cut from the Calgary Stampeders, The Rock announced to his family that he would
be following in the footsteps of his father and grandfather and wrestle. The Rock was part of the "Special Sperm Club" so
he didn't spend years working his way to make it though small promotions. After working with his father to train and learn
the art of wrestling, he used a connection to Pat Patterson to get a couple tryout matches with the WWE. Patterson, any words
to say today?
Thank you. Today with a sad heart we say goodbye to one of the most charismatic individuals to grace us with his good looks
and charm.
God....
The moment I saw The Rock, I knew I had to have him. *cough* I mean of course for the WWE. He impressed us, win or lose, including
matches with the late and great Owen Hart. He did work in the minors for a small amount of time. Minors being Jerry Lawler's
company USWA. There we perfected him as much as possible before he got to the WWE. I am proud to say I was part of the process
of bringing him out... to the public.
Thanks Pat. The Rock didn't make it in football so instead he used the legacy of his father and grandfather to get him into
the WWE. We all remember however how much he did during his time with us. At first, during his times as Rocky Maivia, we all
experienced a love/hate relationship with him. We loved him at first, the wide eyed boy who "loved" to wrestle and had never
wanted anything more than to live up to his namesakes. He honored the men that came before him, he won the Intercontinental
Belt or what is known as "The Good Omen". Yet suddenly, our love for this Rocky Maivia character began to twist into an ugly
beast of hate. He was too young and innocent, like a one sided cutout of himself, no 360 degrees t o him at all. Even when
we chanted for him to die and informed him of how badly he sucked, he smiled and put on a happy dance, like nothing was wrong.
Maybe we are to blame for his eventual demise. Maybe this was when he began to think we didn't need him around.
Eventually The Rock became part of the heel group the Nation of Domination. This is when Rocky became The Rock for good. He
began to talk in the third person, maybe now as we look back we can see how he was distancing himself from reality. We could
see how badly he yearned for more attention, for the bright lights. It didn't matter if people loved him or hated him, he
just wanted the attention to be on him. Faarooq, who had brought him into his group when we the fans rejected him was backstabbed
by The Rock. The Rock was showing us what we would later learn about him, that he couldn't learn to trust.
He became a bully. He was mean, crude (poor Gennifer Flowers decided not to come today, she couldn't shake their last discussion),
and arrogant. He couldn't even keep the Nation together and soon he'd moved onto another group.
The Rock once again backstabbed his fans and became part of a group that alienated his fans. The Corporation stood for something
entirely different from what the fans could relate to. He was no longer the "People's Champion" he was the "Corporate Champion".
He would cheat and lie to get what he wanted, showing this in his "I Quit" match with Mankind. Mankind, who someday would
one half of the Rock 'N Sock connection.
Mankind, want to say a few words?
I'd be happy to! Let's see.... *pulls out raggedy paper of ideas* The Rock and I worked together for a very long time. I considered
him a great person and wanted to show everyone how much I appreciated him by bringing out people I felt had been major parts
of his life. Do you know how hard it was to get these people to Greensboro, North Carolina without anyone knowing? Do you?
I had his teacher come out, his high school football coach, his first love. You know what he does? Take a shit on all my hard
work! How was I supposed to know the man never got his pancakes and his pecker pulled? Then my main lady Yurple comes out.
All she was trying to do was give him a good time. Blow up his balloon. Jerk it into shape. And he can't even appreciate that!
Today, I wore this jacket, our Rock 'N Sock Connection jackets, as a symbol of how much I cared about him. I went out of my
way to give him something unique and from the bottom of my heart.
You know what though? What really bothered me? That even though the promo was MY idea and MY doing, he will always be the
lead player in it. "The Rock had the highest rated segment ever in the WWE". Yeah, thanks to who? ME! I had a HUGE chunk to
do with the whole promo. It would have never happened had it not been for me. It wasn't 30 minutes of The Rock. It was 30
minutes of the Rock 'N Sock Connection.
I cared about you Rock, why couldn't you care about us?
Thank you Mick. Even when The Rock had a partner that wanted to help him do things no one else had done before and entertain
the million... and millions of The Rock's fans, it was never enough.
But Hollywood had begun to come a knockin' and his eyes began to wander from the millions... and millions of his wrestling
fans to the fans that liked him just for being in a movie as half a scorpion, half a man.
Gradually, while he remained popular with wrestling fans, he began to withdraw. He'd leave for weeks at a time to make movies
and live the Hollywood lifestyle. We all tried our best to be there for him, support his decisions and be the backbone he
needed to achieve what had become his new dream, even if it meant it would take him away from us. Maybe we shouldn't have
because soon the face Rock became the heel Hollywood version of the Rock. Even JR mentioned during Wrestle Mania 19 that The
Rock had used his WWE stardom as a platform into Hollywood limelight.
He hosted Saturday Night Live, he did some guest star roles on That 70's Show and Star Trek: Voyager. He was becoming less
a wrestler, more an entertainer.
I believe that this would be a good moment to have a few words from his former wife and mother of The Rock's daughter Pebbles,
Dany.
I met The Rock when we could have walked into a grocery store and no one would bother us. I met him when he wasn't the "People's
Champion," he was just my champion. I stood by when he was injured at UM, when he slept on soiled mattresses in a Canadian
Hotel, when he decided wrestling was his new venture in life was wrestling. Through the good and the bad, I was his team mate
and his friend.
I make a great living, I am the founder and CEO of an investment firm in Miami, JDM Partner LLC. I am the founder a that helps
at-risk children by providing educational programs and the help they need to get into college, The Beacon Experience. I make
$700,000 a year doing the work I do. I would never need his financial help. I am more than capable of caring for our child
on my own.
Then he left. Our relationship ended. He left the mother of his child. For what?
A couple Hollywood bimbos and his dream of being a big star. When he is in that shiny and bright world of Hollywood, and some
floozy is bleeding him for the money he earned putting his body on the line for a living, I hope he remembers me. I hope he
remembers when I was the one making the money while he pursued the career that got him where he is today.
Screw you Rock. Screw you.
By the way, since your tattoo is a "story," make sure to leave enough room for your next 2 or 3 wives. Not to mention the
5-6 kids they'll use to bleed you dry.
... Thanks Dany. The Rock left not just the fans, but the ones that really loved him. Hollywood became his new world. But
what exactly did he leave us for?
A couple action movies, a Disney film, and a straight to DVD disaster. He went from being The Rock to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,
to Dwayne Johnson.
The Rock really died.
He once said that the people made him and yet he now decided to kill what he created. He will always be remembered for the
great promos, the entertainment, the laughs. He will be remembered as a seven time WWE Champion. He will be remembered as
the most electrifying man in sports entertainment.
He will be missed.
Real Talk As Everyone Heads to the Buffet
I love The Rock, I really do. I was a huge fan from my first Pay Per View. Heel or face, he was one of the few wrestlers that
could keep my attention without even trying. Nothing to do with his good looks, just off how entertaining he could be.
I know that he didn't exactly say the words, "The Rock is Dead" but it remains a truthful statement. He himself in a recent
interview stated that he did not want to be called "The Rock" any longer because he feels there is a lot more he can do without
the nickname. But it was more than just a nickname given to him by fans. It's not like a "J-Lo" kind of nickname or a "Italian
Stallion" kind for Sylvester Stallone. It was his personality. Rappers have nicknames they go by. Wrestlers are the same.
If anything it helped him when attempting to gain bigger action roles.
Unless of course he has a plan of attempting to earn himself a little naked Golden Man. No, not a naked Goldust action figure
but you were close. More like an Oscar. Now if that's the case, he has more than just a nickname standing in front of his
path.
There is the fact that he was a wrestler to begin with standing in his way. Hollywood, if anyone has noticed, isn't exactly
keen on wrestlers who want to be actors. The Rock has been one of the few examples where it has worked. Hogan being another
one. Now, after scandals like the Chris Benoit drama, wrestling is under even more scrutiny in the eye of the media.
Second thing is that he is considered an action star. Yes, he does comedy, but in all honesty you know when you think of him,
you think action. Not to mention many action stars can do comedy movies. Look at Vin Diesel in The Pacifier or Arnold Schwarzenegger
in Kindergarden Cop. Action stars are rarely if not never considered for roles that get Oscars.
He has also failed at picking roles that can transition him into being considered a serious actor. We have Game Plan which
makes him a family comedy movie actor. Doom and Rundown make him an action star. Gridiron Gang is probably the closest he'll
get to landing a serious role and even then he's limited to getting a serious role as a Football Coach.
I don't think that being "The Rock" is what will be holding him back from becoming considered a serious actor.
If had truly wanted to be considered a serious actor, he would have gone as Dwayne Johnson in the first place. Instead he
used his fan base from the WWE to get him where he wanted to be then dropped the gimmick.
See what Steve Austin did? Yeah, he went by Steve Austin. Not Stone Cold Steve Austin. Just Steve Austin. Stone Cold could
have done what The Rock did, use his "character" and fan base to get him a bigger push in his first starring role. But he
didn't. Instead he went with his name and did it on his own. Yes, the movie was advertised on the WWE, but that had much to
do with the fact that it was a WWE Film. If he goes on to star in any other movie, he'll never have to try to "distance" himself
from who he used to be.
I'm not anti-The Rock. Far from it, when the Hall of Fame came to town, I considered spending the 50 dollars just to see him
(well Flair's retirement was another huge factor). But he can't push himself away from something he will always be known for.
Arnold will always be The Terminator. Sly Stallone will always be Rocky. Hell, Hogan will always be Hulk. He's kidding himself
if he thinks otherwise.
Well, I don't know about you guys but if we don't head to the buffet, Cryme Tyme will have auctioned off the caviar.
That's All Folks
And there you have it, my first column on the main page. I am off to California for my required visit to my family. I'll be
here in two weeks to entertain the masses yet again. Feel free feedback in a bountiful amount of ways (Thank You Cena for
that word, it's why I love you). You can always email me at PnksThnksFeedback@gmail.com. Remember, Pnks not Pinks and Thnks
not Thinks. You can also join the Lords of Pain forum. There are a great deal of talented writers in the Columns Forum if
you just can't get enough of the columns this site can provide. I'm PnkTinkerbell21 on there. Feel free to let me know what
you thought.
So there you have it friends. I'm outtie like a button on a belly. This has been the one and only,
Pnk <3
PnksThnksFeedback@gmail.com
|
|
|
|